The Decision To NOT Compete.

Prep to a fitness competition takes many many weeks and it's not just the hours in the gym, it's all the hours outside of it as well. It's non-stop! I knew that, and I'm usually in the gym so long that I'm used to that commitment.  I LOVE it. It's my happy place. However, I did not know I would take this new job about 4 weeks ago... and I have to admit, since then, I have been SOOO overwhelmed trying to get in my full workouts 6x a week in while maintaining the other aspects of my life. I'm also taking night classes to get my degree and have a toddler and husband to spend time with. I've still been going my 6x a week, but I don't have the time that I used to to dedicate 2-2.5 hours in the gym and to be even more honest, my "prep mentality" hasn't been as high as I need it to be to get to the stage. Sounds like a bunch of excuses to you? I don't care. They are my reasons for why I have been so on and off lately. 

For some reason I didn't want to "give up" on prep because I thought I would feel guilty or weak if I did... I know how excited I was to start and I kept visioning myself on stage. So I kept pushing through... but it's driving me crazy that I can't do what my coach needs me to do and I felt too much pressure that I'm constantly failing him and myself. And on the flip side if I was doing absolutely everything right and dedicating my free time to the gym, I felt like I was missing way too much time from home with the little bit that I already have. I needed to be honest with myself, face facts, and am forgiving myself for this not being the right time for me. 

When I was single, no kids, and just worked full-time, I had so much time to go to the gym two-a-days, and I definitely had that "no excuses!" mentality. I absolutely know working mothers with families can compete, place well, and even become pros! However, you have to be ALL IN. Last year after giving birth I wasn't working or going to school and it was so much easier to dedicate myself to prep and be all in. I was actually even too all in. I absolutely wish I had the luxury of time but right now I know I have other responsibilities to put ahead for now.

Besides all that, I'm also not ready in so many personal internal ways. I thought I was, but I'm not. I have found myself struggling with food once again, binges, the urges to purge, emotional eating, and the inability to disconnect from food & feelings. The obsession came back. I keep thinking that a certain size, body shape or number on the scale will make me feel differently about myself. Alex has bluntly (with love) reminded me that I'm still never truly happy with myself even when I'm tiny. It really opened my eyes that he sees that in me. I've truly tried faking confidence and self love, and sometimes I really do absolutely feel great about myself, but most of the time I don't. I just need to find my happy... my balance... my true true self-love... 

I'm still going to lift and train my 5-6x a week! I'm still going to grow and build and continue with my progress. I just no longer have a timeline/deadline/show date! If I can only go to the gym for 30 mins one day then I can do what I can and not feel guilty or concerned about not doing my full workouts.

These decisions have absolutely NOTHING to do with my coach. He's wonderful and so supportive! I would recommend him to anyone. It's just my own damn fault and my decisions for what's best. I'd definitely return back to Team Heugly if and whenever I feel it's time :)

Anyways, thanks for those who have been following to see me do another show and as always I appreciate all the support! I'm still going to do progress photos and blogs and such! It's not like I'm quitting working out :p just changing up my goals! You don't have to compete to look good! I feel I have a better grasp now than after my show and I can't see myself throwing all this progress away and rebounding right now. 

Which btw... I do have brand new goals ;) A little bit of the reason why I've chosen to not to bikini as well. I still love the IFBB Bikini (the pros) womens' physiques... But, I've always loved a bit of the more muscular and fuller look... Like Erin Stern, Ashley Horner, and cross fit girls... I'll show ya.

I just LOVE the fuller, strong look. 

These will be my new goals to achieve and my own journey. I will self-coach. I know how to train, I know how to macro and most importantly, I know how to Google ;)

I'll actually be doing different trainers and I'll share progress that I get with those and recommendations and what not. I'm starting Erin Stern's Elite Body Trainer this week and I'm super excited. She's a mix of bodybuilding training and athlete training! Time to shock my body. 

That's it for now. Eeeeek it's scary being on my own again, which is why I love having coaches, but I've been researching quite some time on programming and such so I'm excited. IT'S ALMOST SUMMERRRRR :) 

xoxo

Follow on IG for more daily posts: @coral.suarez

Rebound & Comeback!

Hey loves, I can't believe I haven't written in 6 months! 

Honestly, it's easier to write stuff out than to actually DO them. I had a really tough time after my last competition 6 months ago-- rebounded hard (15lbs) and trying to figure out what was best for me to do. As much as I educated myself on post-show rebound, reverse dieting and BALANCE, it's easier said than done. I continued to gain weight and fat through the months and felt insanely self-conscious. I felt like a bottomless pit that just could not stop eating large amounts of crap! Mainly sweets. aka fat, carbs and so much sugar :( As much as I told myself, "its ok, it's off season" or "you need to gain fat to put on muscle" the hard honest truth was that I didn't need to put on that much. A little is normal, it's necessary even to put on some fat after being in a deficit so long to regain sanity, energy and to live healthy. But, unfortunately, I put on too much. For those who follow me on  IG (@coralsuarez) probably noticed slight gain, but it's easy to hide in clothes, take selfies at a good angle, suck it in and or use good lighting. I was just too embarrassed and didn't feel like I could be much motivation to others to be posting blogs... So I stopped. 

I knew I needed to take several months off from being on "diet" aka calorie deficit. Instead of focusing and driving myself crazy to lose weight (although I still did a bit), I tried to focus more on putting on muscle and size, so the next time I dieted down, I would have some pretty muscles to reveal underneath. I've been trying to love myself more and stay positive instead of tearing myself apart constantly for not fitting this extremely fit shape, that society kind of pressures fit girls to look like. Because if you don't look shredded 365 days, you're not "fit" right? (sarcasm)

Anyways, I chose a different coach than my last two. I decided on Team Heugly and have started working with them almost 5 weeks ago! This saturday I will be 11 weeks out-- First competition of the season being March 28. Eeeeeek. 

I'm excited to have routine and structure by a wonderful coach, I'm excited to have great communication and support, I'm excited to be lifting heavy and doing HIIT cardio, and most importantly, I'm excited to have a macro based diet (carbs, fats, protein, fiber) instead of a meal plan! AAAAND I don't have to weigh myself! Such a relief. My first past coach had me take progress photos and weight 3x a week it was beyond stressful. 

In just a few weeks working with them, I've noticed such differences in coaching methods already. I honestly haven't even felt like I'm in prep. It's been a breeze so far :) 

On the flip side, I'm torn between wanting to compete, and be fit for life... I'm not sure how many I will do after this one. I kind of want to remove myself from the "on season" and "off season" mentality... Why can't I just look and feel good all year around? For years I have obsessed over my body... too skinny... too fat... calories... macros... never ending disordered eating cycles... blah blah. Eventually I want to FREE myself from it all and just do whatever the hell I want all year and maintain and progress towards my goals. I love the discipline to compete, but I'm really scared of the rebound that could possibly happen again. 

Progress pics.... the weekly ones I take to send to my coach.. ah, I want to show them, I'm just embarrassed :( I worked SO hard last year/this year for a year to compete and lose 60lbs of pregnancy weight to just gain in a few short weeks. I felt and looked awful. I take progress once a week now so I may or may not start sharing comparisons soon... Until then, here are some clothed/semi-clothed progress selfies... ;P to show where I am at lately.

Just want to end it with this: DON'T BE SO HARD ON YOURSELVES! I know it's easier said that done, but TRY to relax and enjoy the process. Loving your body through thin and thick. I've been through thin (110lbs) and pregnant (180lbs) to fit (120lbs) to fat (150lbs) to average (130lbs) and even looking my best, I was never happy and satisfied with myself because I paid too much attention to the scale. THE SCALE DOESN'T MEAN SHITTTTT. Once I dumped the scale and went off of how clothes fit, body composition, and how I felt inside, my mindset really changed. Sure, "fit" looks good if you're cut up and shredded all the time, but those high-profile fit people are not always healthy. You need to find that balance where you can live your life, eat some damn ice cream without it turning into eating the entire container, workout without it feeling like punishment and go out with friends and family without obsessing over calories. There is a time and a place for it all... if you are prepping for a show, of course things must get a little strict, but it shouldn't change your life completely. If you're not prepping... dude, LIVE. Eat! Train hard. HAVE FUN. If you're hating everything... you shouldn't be doing it!

xoxo

IG @coral.suarez

What is Reverse Dieting?

Reverse + diet?? The hell? Seems like everyone is doing it these days. When I first heard about this, I was a few months pregnant back in October 2012. I kept seeing people hashtag '#reversediet' on allllll these delicious looking foods on IG. Along with "#iifym." I seriously thought, what is this new diet?? Most of the people still had great abs, strength and looked great and fit! Growing up, and especially as a women, society tries to teach you that in order to look good you need to do a lot of cardio and not eat too much, especially not a lot of protein, but instead, eat a lot of fruits and yogurts, granola, or whatever. 

diet: noun

1: the kinds of food that a person, animal, or community habitually eats

2: a special course of food to which one restricts oneself, either to lose weight or for medical reasons.

So reverse, is… well, reversing from lowering calories/adding cardio. 

When you've gone down down down… sometimes there's no where to go but reverse upwards.

Towards the end of my prep, the last 3-4 weeks, I was on about 1100-1200 calories. Sometimes I would try restricting myself to lower in hopes to get more results, and I was doing 12-13 sessions of cardio a WEEK! About 30-60 mins of fasted cardio in the AM and 30-45 of steady state or HIIT on the stair master after weight-lifting.

And guess what?

I DIDN'T LOSE WEIGHT! 

I COULDN'T. 

My body was tired, weak, hit a plateau, and suffering major metabolic damage. Mainly from dieting so long and hard. If  you've been reading my blogs, you'd know that I dumped my first coach and he is the reason I got stuck in such a shitty situation. I signed up with him to do "offseason" before cutting for my show. He "off-seasoned" me aka supposed to be building muscle on probably 1300 calories plus cardio 6x a week. So for my cut, he went lower & increased cardio. 

Metabolic damage is just like starvation mode, which are both very real things. 

star•va•tion mode - noun (stär-ˈvā-shən mōd): a series of metabolic, hormonal and behavioral responses to extreme or prolonged calorie deprivation, which is common during many popular weight loss diets. Since your body can’t recognize the difference between severe dieting and starving, it responds as if you were really starving: Protective mechanisms are activated to decrease your rate of further weight loss, including reduced energy, lower physical activity and increased appetite. Your metabolism also slows down more than you’d predict for the amount of body weight lost.

Check out this simple blog > Metabolic Damage

Please visit and watch Biolayne's metabolic damage video

So anyways, back to reverse dieting. You do not need to have competed or be in a certain shape to do this. This is for those who have been on restrictive calories (macros) for a long period of time and the body has hit a plateau, and not progressing (losing body fat/gaining muscle, etc). Say you have been eating only 800-1200 calories or whatever it is for months, or years. Your body NEEDS food. Food is fuel. Your body is shutting down. There are many calculators to find out your maintenance caloric intake. Most are surprised as to how many calories they could be eating without gaining weight. So to reverse diet, for example, instead of jumping from the 1000kcal you're at to what the maintenance says, like 1800, you slowly reverse diet by adding in calories (carbs/protein/fats) every week and work your way up so your metabolism adapts and you don't put on fat weight. Note that you CAN and most likely will gain a FEW lbs. But your body composition will significantly change for the better, especially with a good training plan. 

IIFYM is my favorite calculator. 
You can google others and compare.
Remember, no one number is completely accurate!

I feel as women, we automatically think "weightloss" and go to those numbers, but you should think "maintenance" if you will be reverse dieting as the goal number to work your way up to. And if you can go further than that while gaining minimal weight/bodyfat then keep going. It is a slow process and takes patience, but it is SO worth it. I have seen the results and not just with the body but the MIND too. To be able to eat all your favorite foods in moderation, not gain 5lbs overnight if you want to go out to dinner, feel guilty for eating, and enjoy yourself is a big thing. Calculating macros every day is time-consuming, it can get obsessive, so find stuff what works for you… I just wanted to explain reverse dieting. I think it's a beautiful thing and no one should be eating under even 1200 calories!

I'm still trying to find what works for me now. 

I am 1 week post show- and it has not been easy. My friend Stephanie, who competed last year, had gone through metabolic damage and post-show blues, had constantly reminded me that it would be hard post-show and to take it easy and reverse diet. It's common for competitors to go on binge sprees after competitions from all the restriction- which is another reason why I'm an advocate and love flexible dieting/IIFYM (see older posts).

My plan > Relax the Sunday after my show, no food limitations and enjoy the gorgeous day, stress free. Then, starting monday, begin my reverse diet.

*For me, I would keep my protein around 1g-1.2g body lb and then add 10-15g carbs & 1-2g fats every week, and slowly up my macros while gaining minimal weight/body fat and possibly even lose weight and lean out more since I wasn't even that lean. While upping macros, I would slowly take out cardio time as well. 

1g protein = 4 calories, 1g carb = 4 calories, 1g fat = 9 calories

This is how people get calories, by adding up their macros. 

Always macros > calories 

Reality > Relaxed the Sunday after the show but also hit up the gym for a short back & cardio session because I had so much energy from all the carbs. I cut out my fasted cardio completely to start. Then… the whole week I was WAY over my reverse diet target macros. I ate simply because I could, whenever I wanted, because I could. I let food control me. I gave into many cravings, and felt I had majorly failed. For my show I depleted water/sodium, so the week after, water retention was a bitch- I felt HUGE. Bloated. Like the feeling being in an airplane with my body all puffy. It sucked. I stepped on the scale 5 days after and was UP 9 LBS! Huge mistake. I know most is water weight, which is slowly coming down, but that sort of thing really messes with your head. 

As you can see, within a week I went from abs to no abs. From solid to fluffy. I do feel more "filled out," happier and healthier, STRONGER, but still unsure and confused. I'm trying to find my happy medium. I beat myself up a bit about my reverse dieting failure. I don't want to get in the mind-set of "I deserve to eat all this shit food because I dieted and was deprived for so long." Because I shouldn't be eating that much crap. It's not the healthy lifestyle I'm going for.

My New Plan > Get back to my reverse dieting plan, but change my macros a bit higher to a more realistic goal that I can hit. Eat bigger meals & less frequently. I've always had it in my head to "eat every 2-3 hours, small meals." But for me, it's unsatisfying, leading me to want to snack through each meal. Whenever I've gone out and had a big meal, I'm satisfied for like 4 hours! So, I will be having bigger meals and I really think that will help out with feeling satisfied. Also, going back to having more meals with volume. I will still be doing it the flexible dieting way, with no food groups off limits.

I will make my come-back… again. It's just been all in my head and I can beat and over-come this. I do not want to get into a binge eating habit. This is it. Enough.

Things I will remind myself of:

1. food will always be there & this is not the only or last chance I can eat this

2. moderation. you can have a little, not the entire pack of cookies

3. you don't want all your handwork out the window

4. take it day by day- it's ok if you slip up

5. you want to be healthy, body, mind and soul

6. eventually your macros will be high again

7. slow and steady wins the race

I know people with a healthy relationship with food thinks this kind of stuff is crazy. It is a bit crazy to have an obsession with food, but it happens to a lot of people. I won't be stepping on the scale for another few weeks. I will continue to lift heavy, hit some PRs, and work on building muscle. Deadlifts, deadlifts and some more deadlifts! Heavy squats, pull-ups and less super-setting with light weight and just work on over-all strength.

I have been contemplating a show in late October, but I don't think it'll give me enough time to improve and build. I mostly want to to redeem myself from my last show. But the right way would be to do a long improvement season (20 weeks) then make a slow cut (20 weeks) into my season to compete next year! April-June are many shows and I want to look my absolute BEST. I think I will also be coaching myself! I'm excited about that. I will definitely be posting more to hold myself accountable. 

Here is to new goals- confidence, consistency, strength and self-love. 

Find me on IG @coral.suarez

xoxo