Honestly, it's easier to write stuff out than to actually DO them. I had a really tough time after my last competition 6 months ago-- rebounded hard (15lbs) and trying to figure out what was best for me to do. As much as I educated myself on post-show rebound, reverse dieting and BALANCE, it's easier said than done. I continued to gain weight and fat through the months and felt insanely self-conscious. I felt like a bottomless pit that just could not stop eating large amounts of crap! Mainly sweets. aka fat, carbs and so much sugar :( As much as I told myself, "its ok, it's off season" or "you need to gain fat to put on muscle" the hard honest truth was that I didn't need to put on that much. A little is normal, it's necessary even to put on some fat after being in a deficit so long to regain sanity, energy and to live healthy. But, unfortunately, I put on too much. For those who follow me on IG (@coralsuarez) probably noticed slight gain, but it's easy to hide in clothes, take selfies at a good angle, suck it in and or use good lighting. I was just too embarrassed and didn't feel like I could be much motivation to others to be posting blogs... So I stopped.
I knew I needed to take several months off from being on "diet" aka calorie deficit. Instead of focusing and driving myself crazy to lose weight (although I still did a bit), I tried to focus more on putting on muscle and size, so the next time I dieted down, I would have some pretty muscles to reveal underneath. I've been trying to love myself more and stay positive instead of tearing myself apart constantly for not fitting this extremely fit shape, that society kind of pressures fit girls to look like. Because if you don't look shredded 365 days, you're not "fit" right? (sarcasm)
Anyways, I chose a different coach than my last two. I decided on Team Heugly and have started working with them almost 5 weeks ago! This saturday I will be 11 weeks out-- First competition of the season being March 28. Eeeeeek.
I'm excited to have routine and structure by a wonderful coach, I'm excited to have great communication and support, I'm excited to be lifting heavy and doing HIIT cardio, and most importantly, I'm excited to have a macro based diet (carbs, fats, protein, fiber) instead of a meal plan! AAAAND I don't have to weigh myself! Such a relief. My first past coach had me take progress photos and weight 3x a week it was beyond stressful.
In just a few weeks working with them, I've noticed such differences in coaching methods already. I honestly haven't even felt like I'm in prep. It's been a breeze so far :)
On the flip side, I'm torn between wanting to compete, and be fit for life... I'm not sure how many I will do after this one. I kind of want to remove myself from the "on season" and "off season" mentality... Why can't I just look and feel good all year around? For years I have obsessed over my body... too skinny... too fat... calories... macros... never ending disordered eating cycles... blah blah. Eventually I want to FREE myself from it all and just do whatever the hell I want all year and maintain and progress towards my goals. I love the discipline to compete, but I'm really scared of the rebound that could possibly happen again.
Progress pics.... the weekly ones I take to send to my coach.. ah, I want to show them, I'm just embarrassed :( I worked SO hard last year/this year for a year to compete and lose 60lbs of pregnancy weight to just gain in a few short weeks. I felt and looked awful. I take progress once a week now so I may or may not start sharing comparisons soon... Until then, here are some clothed/semi-clothed progress selfies... ;P to show where I am at lately.
Just want to end it with this: DON'T BE SO HARD ON YOURSELVES! I know it's easier said that done, but TRY to relax and enjoy the process. Loving your body through thin and thick. I've been through thin (110lbs) and pregnant (180lbs) to fit (120lbs) to fat (150lbs) to average (130lbs) and even looking my best, I was never happy and satisfied with myself because I paid too much attention to the scale. THE SCALE DOESN'T MEAN SHITTTTT. Once I dumped the scale and went off of how clothes fit, body composition, and how I felt inside, my mindset really changed. Sure, "fit" looks good if you're cut up and shredded all the time, but those high-profile fit people are not always healthy. You need to find that balance where you can live your life, eat some damn ice cream without it turning into eating the entire container, workout without it feeling like punishment and go out with friends and family without obsessing over calories. There is a time and a place for it all... if you are prepping for a show, of course things must get a little strict, but it shouldn't change your life completely. If you're not prepping... dude, LIVE. Eat! Train hard. HAVE FUN. If you're hating everything... you shouldn't be doing it!
xoxo
IG @coral.suarez
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