The Decision To NOT Compete.

Prep to a fitness competition takes many many weeks and it's not just the hours in the gym, it's all the hours outside of it as well. It's non-stop! I knew that, and I'm usually in the gym so long that I'm used to that commitment.  I LOVE it. It's my happy place. However, I did not know I would take this new job about 4 weeks ago... and I have to admit, since then, I have been SOOO overwhelmed trying to get in my full workouts 6x a week in while maintaining the other aspects of my life. I'm also taking night classes to get my degree and have a toddler and husband to spend time with. I've still been going my 6x a week, but I don't have the time that I used to to dedicate 2-2.5 hours in the gym and to be even more honest, my "prep mentality" hasn't been as high as I need it to be to get to the stage. Sounds like a bunch of excuses to you? I don't care. They are my reasons for why I have been so on and off lately. 

For some reason I didn't want to "give up" on prep because I thought I would feel guilty or weak if I did... I know how excited I was to start and I kept visioning myself on stage. So I kept pushing through... but it's driving me crazy that I can't do what my coach needs me to do and I felt too much pressure that I'm constantly failing him and myself. And on the flip side if I was doing absolutely everything right and dedicating my free time to the gym, I felt like I was missing way too much time from home with the little bit that I already have. I needed to be honest with myself, face facts, and am forgiving myself for this not being the right time for me. 

When I was single, no kids, and just worked full-time, I had so much time to go to the gym two-a-days, and I definitely had that "no excuses!" mentality. I absolutely know working mothers with families can compete, place well, and even become pros! However, you have to be ALL IN. Last year after giving birth I wasn't working or going to school and it was so much easier to dedicate myself to prep and be all in. I was actually even too all in. I absolutely wish I had the luxury of time but right now I know I have other responsibilities to put ahead for now.

Besides all that, I'm also not ready in so many personal internal ways. I thought I was, but I'm not. I have found myself struggling with food once again, binges, the urges to purge, emotional eating, and the inability to disconnect from food & feelings. The obsession came back. I keep thinking that a certain size, body shape or number on the scale will make me feel differently about myself. Alex has bluntly (with love) reminded me that I'm still never truly happy with myself even when I'm tiny. It really opened my eyes that he sees that in me. I've truly tried faking confidence and self love, and sometimes I really do absolutely feel great about myself, but most of the time I don't. I just need to find my happy... my balance... my true true self-love... 

I'm still going to lift and train my 5-6x a week! I'm still going to grow and build and continue with my progress. I just no longer have a timeline/deadline/show date! If I can only go to the gym for 30 mins one day then I can do what I can and not feel guilty or concerned about not doing my full workouts.

These decisions have absolutely NOTHING to do with my coach. He's wonderful and so supportive! I would recommend him to anyone. It's just my own damn fault and my decisions for what's best. I'd definitely return back to Team Heugly if and whenever I feel it's time :)

Anyways, thanks for those who have been following to see me do another show and as always I appreciate all the support! I'm still going to do progress photos and blogs and such! It's not like I'm quitting working out :p just changing up my goals! You don't have to compete to look good! I feel I have a better grasp now than after my show and I can't see myself throwing all this progress away and rebounding right now. 

Which btw... I do have brand new goals ;) A little bit of the reason why I've chosen to not to bikini as well. I still love the IFBB Bikini (the pros) womens' physiques... But, I've always loved a bit of the more muscular and fuller look... Like Erin Stern, Ashley Horner, and cross fit girls... I'll show ya.

I just LOVE the fuller, strong look. 

These will be my new goals to achieve and my own journey. I will self-coach. I know how to train, I know how to macro and most importantly, I know how to Google ;)

I'll actually be doing different trainers and I'll share progress that I get with those and recommendations and what not. I'm starting Erin Stern's Elite Body Trainer this week and I'm super excited. She's a mix of bodybuilding training and athlete training! Time to shock my body. 

That's it for now. Eeeeek it's scary being on my own again, which is why I love having coaches, but I've been researching quite some time on programming and such so I'm excited. IT'S ALMOST SUMMERRRRR :) 

xoxo

Follow on IG for more daily posts: @coral.suarez

Progress & Favorites #1

I think I'm going to do these sorts of updates every few weeks! With mommy/wifey duties, new job, school, training and eating all the time it's hard for me to keep up with blogging. But, I do love it, especially to be able to look back on to read current feelings and help inspire others in any sort of way that I can. 

I've reached over 10,000 views from allllll over the world! America, Serbia, Germany, Japan, Canada, Australia, Malaysia, etc. It's pretty amazing and THANK YOU for taking time and reading my blogs! xoxoxoxoxo

Prep Update: 

I am about... 9 weeks out now? To be honest, this prep has been the complete opposite of my last. I'm not stressing myself out over every little thing, I told my coach I want to go slow and steady so I don't crash and burn out later, or have a horrible rebound again. I will not step on stage until I'm happy with my complete package- even if that means choosing a later show. However, I am motivated as HELL to make the March 28th one! I'm LOVING training. I may be tired, usually just really sore, and hungry if I think about it too much, but I'm not miserable by any means. I'm enjoying myself and this journey. I'm excited to keep pushing and peeling the layers ;) My coach asked me what my energy level was, 1-10 (10 being highest) and I said 9! Yeah, sometimes I have to really push myself, especially that damn cardio lol, but I can do it. It's all in my head. Mind > matter baby.

Training: 6x a week (heavy weights, no plyos). Cardio: 6x a week. HIIT & steady state. Nutrition: Macronutrient based diet consisting of high protein, moderate carbs, and low fat. I use flexible dieting and hit my protein/carbs/fat/fiber daily as well as micronutrients. 1 reefed day a week consisting of almost double my weekly carbs. I usually have it on saturday nights after leg day!

So, here are my progress photos that I've been sending to my coach. I'm well aware how much weight I put on since my last show and I don't need to feel ashamed or guilt myself further. It happened, I slipped up and ate a lot of delicious foods in large moderations (haha). I still worked out, hard, but you know the saying... you can't outwork a bad diet. So true man. I learned, and I'm moving on and doing the best that I can now. 

slow and steady! trying to maintain as much muscle while leaning out!
*starting weight: 140lbs / <5'2" / bf%: unknown
*current: weight unknown, bf% unknown, still a shorty

As embarrassing as it is for me, I am human... I like to be real with everyone who is actually interested in following my journey. It's not all about the highlight reels for me.. I struggle, I fall, and I get the fuck back up. I have a body type that puts on weight very fast when I'm not careful. I really hope to never go through that rebound feeling again. I know I'm capable of losing it and bringing an even better stage package this year. 

Thank you to everyone who supports me!

Current Favorites:

1. Muscle Pharm Combat Crunch Protein Bars

*Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough & Chocolate Peanut Butter Cup
They also just came out with a cinnamon twist, but I haven't tried it yet. I'm definitely more of a chocolate and peanut butter lover mmmm. These are SO good- The macros/calories, the size, the texture and taste! Anyone that knows me knows I love me some Quest Bars, but TRY these. They are worth it!! They kill my sweet tooth and chocolate cravings and are great for a mid-day pick me up snack or meal on the go. I buy mine through Amazon.
(Macros: 210 calories, 7g fat, 28g carb, 20g protein, 12g fiber)

2. Beef Fajita Flame Broiled, Seasoned & Spiced

I always choose chicken to eat as my protein, egg whites second,  protein powder, then fish last. I love steak, but it's usually more pricey and higher in fat. This one I found tastes so great, price was reasonable, and macros are fantastic. I love cooking stir fry with it or making healthy tacos. I buy mine at Sam's Club.

(Macros: 3oz (85g) = 100 calories, 3g fat, 3g carbs, 16g protein)

3. Cary's Sugar-Free Syrup

So I used to use this often, until I heard of Walden Farms (0 cal/fat/carbs) pancake syrup and started using that. But after a while... it just gets old... and expensive for how quickly I'm able to go through it since it's 0 macros everything. So I decided to go back to this because I don't have to order it online, and the macros are pretty damn good for how much you can use. 1/4c is 60ml = 60g and if you weigh while you pour, you will realize you don't even need that much. I only use half of that, so 30g. It tastes way better and for how much I like to make protein pancakes, way more affordable... and convenient. And less chemical tasting.

(Macros: 1/4 cup (60g) = 30 calories, 0 fat, 14 carbs, 0 protein). 

4. Scivation Xtend Intraworkout

I started using this during my last prep, almost a year ago, and have fallen in love with it and I don't think I have gone a day without it! I use 1 scoop and sip on it during my workouts. I honestly feel like I sweat much more when I drink it. But besides that, here are some facts on these BCAAs. 

• Build Muscle • Burn Fat • Recover Faster
• Enhances Muscle Building and Strength
• 7g BCAAs - 2:1:1 Proven Ratio
• Increases Fat Burning
• Helps Speed Recovery
• ZERO Sugar or Carbs

There are a lot of BCAAs out there (branch chained amino acids) but this one is just my favorite. I highly recommend watermelon and strawberry kiwi! If I crave something sweet later in the day, I've also made slushies with it in the summertime :)

5. Liquid Stevia Drops

These are 0 calorie sweeteners, and all natural! I LOVE them. They are a bit pricey for a small bottle, but seriously a few drops goes a long ways! I use them in my coffee, plain fat free greek yogurt mixes, protein pancake mix, etc. Anything you want to sweeten! Plus, they have a whole bunch of different flavors! Tryyyy them. You need this in your life, especially if you like stuff sweet like me :p

I buy mine from Amazon or Vitacost. I linked it so you can see the product details :)

I buy many things from Vitacost! Protein powder, vitamins, Quest Bars, peanut butters and sweeteners. Check them out!

Thats all for today! Have a fit week everyone. Don't give up!!

If there is anything you want me to write a post about or you have questions, feel free to contact me and ask anything!

Also follow me on IG for more day to day updates :)

@coral.suarez

xoxo

Rebound & Comeback!

Hey loves, I can't believe I haven't written in 6 months! 

Honestly, it's easier to write stuff out than to actually DO them. I had a really tough time after my last competition 6 months ago-- rebounded hard (15lbs) and trying to figure out what was best for me to do. As much as I educated myself on post-show rebound, reverse dieting and BALANCE, it's easier said than done. I continued to gain weight and fat through the months and felt insanely self-conscious. I felt like a bottomless pit that just could not stop eating large amounts of crap! Mainly sweets. aka fat, carbs and so much sugar :( As much as I told myself, "its ok, it's off season" or "you need to gain fat to put on muscle" the hard honest truth was that I didn't need to put on that much. A little is normal, it's necessary even to put on some fat after being in a deficit so long to regain sanity, energy and to live healthy. But, unfortunately, I put on too much. For those who follow me on  IG (@coralsuarez) probably noticed slight gain, but it's easy to hide in clothes, take selfies at a good angle, suck it in and or use good lighting. I was just too embarrassed and didn't feel like I could be much motivation to others to be posting blogs... So I stopped. 

I knew I needed to take several months off from being on "diet" aka calorie deficit. Instead of focusing and driving myself crazy to lose weight (although I still did a bit), I tried to focus more on putting on muscle and size, so the next time I dieted down, I would have some pretty muscles to reveal underneath. I've been trying to love myself more and stay positive instead of tearing myself apart constantly for not fitting this extremely fit shape, that society kind of pressures fit girls to look like. Because if you don't look shredded 365 days, you're not "fit" right? (sarcasm)

Anyways, I chose a different coach than my last two. I decided on Team Heugly and have started working with them almost 5 weeks ago! This saturday I will be 11 weeks out-- First competition of the season being March 28. Eeeeeek. 

I'm excited to have routine and structure by a wonderful coach, I'm excited to have great communication and support, I'm excited to be lifting heavy and doing HIIT cardio, and most importantly, I'm excited to have a macro based diet (carbs, fats, protein, fiber) instead of a meal plan! AAAAND I don't have to weigh myself! Such a relief. My first past coach had me take progress photos and weight 3x a week it was beyond stressful. 

In just a few weeks working with them, I've noticed such differences in coaching methods already. I honestly haven't even felt like I'm in prep. It's been a breeze so far :) 

On the flip side, I'm torn between wanting to compete, and be fit for life... I'm not sure how many I will do after this one. I kind of want to remove myself from the "on season" and "off season" mentality... Why can't I just look and feel good all year around? For years I have obsessed over my body... too skinny... too fat... calories... macros... never ending disordered eating cycles... blah blah. Eventually I want to FREE myself from it all and just do whatever the hell I want all year and maintain and progress towards my goals. I love the discipline to compete, but I'm really scared of the rebound that could possibly happen again. 

Progress pics.... the weekly ones I take to send to my coach.. ah, I want to show them, I'm just embarrassed :( I worked SO hard last year/this year for a year to compete and lose 60lbs of pregnancy weight to just gain in a few short weeks. I felt and looked awful. I take progress once a week now so I may or may not start sharing comparisons soon... Until then, here are some clothed/semi-clothed progress selfies... ;P to show where I am at lately.

Just want to end it with this: DON'T BE SO HARD ON YOURSELVES! I know it's easier said that done, but TRY to relax and enjoy the process. Loving your body through thin and thick. I've been through thin (110lbs) and pregnant (180lbs) to fit (120lbs) to fat (150lbs) to average (130lbs) and even looking my best, I was never happy and satisfied with myself because I paid too much attention to the scale. THE SCALE DOESN'T MEAN SHITTTTT. Once I dumped the scale and went off of how clothes fit, body composition, and how I felt inside, my mindset really changed. Sure, "fit" looks good if you're cut up and shredded all the time, but those high-profile fit people are not always healthy. You need to find that balance where you can live your life, eat some damn ice cream without it turning into eating the entire container, workout without it feeling like punishment and go out with friends and family without obsessing over calories. There is a time and a place for it all... if you are prepping for a show, of course things must get a little strict, but it shouldn't change your life completely. If you're not prepping... dude, LIVE. Eat! Train hard. HAVE FUN. If you're hating everything... you shouldn't be doing it!

xoxo

IG @coral.suarez

Intermittent Fasting Experiment

If this sparked your interest- keep reading. 

*From article #2 listed below if you want to check it out further.

^This is after my 1 WEEK experiment^ 

My whole experiment is all down below! 

Are you familiar with the term intermittent fasting (IF)? I've been doing my research, but I'm still far from being an expert. This may or may not be for you so don't think I'm trying to encourage this. Just something I've been researching lately to see if it's something I like and want to maintain as a lifestyle. 

Basically, you choose to eat during a 2-8 hour window and fast the rest (not eat). There are different ways that people do this, and even people who fast up to 24hrs, but basically you are still eating your calories/macros that you normally would through an entire 24 hours, just in a smaller window, within however many meals you want. Less time to eat = bigger meals = more satisfaction = less obsessing about food. That's how I see it anyways. I will also be training fasted because I train in the mornings. If you workout in the afternoons/evenings, and want to workout fasted, you must wait at least 4 hours since your meal. 

There are so many benefits of IF. I would write them all out, but honestly I'm no scientist and would just be copying out of these great articles, so instead, I listed my 5 favorites.

Of course there are pros and cons and articles about the negatives out there as well- such as muscle loss, etc- but as with anything, it's about what works for YOU. I found the most helpful and easy to understand articles, and if you're interested to learn further, click through them.

1. A Beginner's Guide to Intermittent Fasting
2. Wanna Lose Fat? Then Stop Eating! Dr. Sara Solomon
3. Fitness RX for Women - Intermittent Fasting
4. Intermittent Fasting 101 - How To Start Burning Fat
5. Muscle & Strength - Understanding of IF 

I'm experimenting for ME, for one basic reason:
My eating was out of control after my show after being deprived and controlled for so many months- I have always had the mindset, that the fitness industry has fed me over the years, that I need to eat as soon as I wake up, I need to eat 6-7 small meals a day and I need to eat every 2-3 hours if I want to gain/maintain muscle and burn body fat. It's been driving me crazy. I feel unsatisfied after these 6-7 small meals, being hungrier in the evenings because I had to eat my biggest meal for breakfast and causing me to want to snack all damn day and going all over my macros. Once I start eating, I just wanted to eat from the time I woke up until the time I went to sleep! Weather you choose to do this the "clean eating" way or "flexible dieting" way is up to you, macros are macros. I choose flexible dieting of course. #iifym

**IMPORTANT**
-This all does not mean that you will lose xlbs a week 
-This is not for everyone
-This is not a starvation diet! 
-This is not a temporary fix nor a fad diet
-I'm currently reverse dieting 

What I will be doing: 
-Hitting MY usual "full days worth" of reverse dieting macros
-Eating window from noon-2000 (8hrs)
-Fasting window from 2000-noon (16hrs)
-1-2 cups coffee in the AM; Will be using sugar free creamer and stevia drops and not exceeding 50 calories to stay in the fasted state
-Usual supps and vitamins before/after gym
(Xtend BCAAs, Beast creatine, multi-vit, fish-oil)

Monday: Sucked it up and stepped on the scale… Hoping and praying it was all water weight last week and I wouldn't be far up from my stage weight. Wrong. I was up 11 freakin pounds. 137.6. (I stepped on stage at 126lbs- still high for my height). You can understand how upsetting this is. Yes, my dieting wasn't on point with reversing, so I guess it's my fault. It's amazing how fast my body rebounded. I know things need to change, which is mainly why I decided to try this. 

Today I did heavy legs & HIIT cardio. I was worried this morning that I wouldn't have strength and feel tired through my workout, but I wasn't! After getting over (ignoring) the initial hunger and stomach rumbles, I felt focused and ready. I did my workout full-force and felt great. Of course I was hungry by noon and broke my fast with a huge stack of protein pancakes! YUM! I think tomorrow I'll go bigger for my fast breaker. Yay carbs!! 

meal #1

kcal/c/f/p/fiber

#2

kcal/c/f/p/fiber

#3

kcals/c/f/p/fiber

#4/Dessert

kcal/c/f/p/fiber

Today went awesome. I also had a few Haribo gummy bears & 1/2 pack of Nature Valley's PB granola bar because I had carb macros leftover (surprisingly), but I felt full and satisfied all day instead of snacking 6x between my 6 small meals. Last meal was a little before 9 because I couldn't get it in by 8. Oh well, feeling in control again and hopeful that this my be the right route for me. 

MyFitnessPal: coralbaby

IG: coralsuarez

Tuesday: This morning I felt a bit hungry but soon forgot about it and went about my morning. Went to the gym for back/bis and cardio and felt great. Didn't feel sluggish, lazy and tired from having breakfast. By noon my tummy was growling though and I broke my fast with another giant loaded pancake and added oatmeal on the side! Feeling full and satisfied :) 

Today's menu hahaha

I used to have it set up as meal #1-#6. I would eat 6 small meals and snack all between them. Now I have this plus a "breakfast" part up top, where I just add in my vitamins and coffee/creamer for the whole day. My meals are pretty basic at the moment as I'm still trying to gain control of this reverse diet. I probably should eat more fruits & veggies, but my fiber has been totaling up as I want. 

Wednesday: Woke up earlier than usual with Sylas and he took a longer nap so my time from when I was up until I hit the gym was a bit longer and I was tempted to nibble at something… but I resisted. My workout went great and I was HAAANGRY by noon! As I cooked my giant protein pancakes & oats I went upstairs to check my weight. I was super nervous. 133.0! That's 3.6lbs down since Monday!! Phewwwww. Sure, it may be water weight. But, I know what I'm doing is working now and I feel fantastic as well. Of course I'm not one to be "all about the scale" but it's nice to know that I can gain control again WHILE I feel good, healthy and strong. Super important to have energy and love the process again.

#1

kcal/c/f/p/fiber

#2

kcal/c/f/p/fiber

#3

forgot to take photo of my chicken, egg whites and spinach mix.. 

it wasn't that special lol just had to get that protein in

kcal/c/f/p/fiber

#4/Dessert

kcal/c/f/p/fiber

I originally had different stuff planned for #3 and #4, but I decided to make those 'Soda Cupcakes' that I found on pinterest and had to adjust. Fiber ended up being lower than I wanted but it happens. I have been eating my second meal around 1600~1700 so I'm actually cramming down #3 and dessert right at 2000.

*WARNING* You can't eat just one! Soda Cupcakes: You can opt out the protein powder, but I added 2 scoops of Cellucor Cor-Fetti Cake Batter, 1 can room temp Diet Coke and brownie mixture. That's it! Bake at 350 for 15-18 minutes, just like regular muffins. Enjoy! 

Thursday: The hunger feeling in the AM doesn't bother me anymore. I was kind of thinking… Even the days I'd eat breakfast, I was still hungry and just wanted to keep eating after anyways, so having this time frame control is nice. Feeling hungry again is nice. Not that I'm saying I like feeling hungry, but before, every time I felt a little hunger I would just fill it with whatever. I worked shoulders, tris and chest and had a great pump! Soooooo, I had my whole days' of food planned. I broke my fast again with the loaded pancake buuuuuuuut, I didn't go with what I had planned for the rest of the day and didn't feel like tracking. Today I intuitively ate. I still ate within my window, but I know I went over my carbs, and I'm okay with it. I didn't bother tracking so I wouldn't feel guilty for having some rice cakes with peanut butter and white chocolate… heheee :p I'll go back to my plan tomorrow. Had a nice chill day. It's nice not constantly being on MFP and weighing food.

Friday: Weighed in at 134.0lbs. One pound up from Wednesday, but not surprising considering all the chocolate and peanut butter I had yesterday. Oopsie. Life goes on ;) But I plan on sticking to it today because I actually want to follow my little experiment through. Worked legs and HIIT cardio and felt wonderful. Didn't break my fast until 1:30! Omg I was so hungry. Not intentionally. Went to the gym later and ran a few errands right after and by the time I was home, put Sylas down for his nap, showered and done cooking, it was a lot later then I thought... but I survived ;)

#1

kcal/c/f/p/fiber

combined #2 & #3

kcal/c/f/p/fiber

#4/Dessert

kcal/c/f/p/fiber

Surprise. I don't always take pictures of my food :p

Saturday: Saturdays are my days I promised myself I would not track anything. Intuitively eat. I know I did that once unintentionally earlier this week, but I'm still sticking to it for mental breaks. I'm not in prep, I'm in "off season" or "improvement season" or just ME season, and need to learn to not obsess. So, instead of going to the gym, I skipped it and went to the Hartford Europa Expo! I've always wanted to go to one of those. I ended up fasting until 330pm when I got home! I left around 11 to the expo and was busy walking around, entertaining my son and watching the events that I didn't think about food and my body wasn't starving. By the time I got home though, I felt it and broke my fast with a diff kind of huge protein pancake. Instead of the coconut flour (because I'm out) I used 10g of Phillsbury Confetti pancake mix (no fiber though) with the rest the pretty much the same. Idk, I didn't measure the ingredients out. Soooo fluffy. Sooo yummy. I had a baby shower to go to for the second half of the day and since it's at my in-law's there is always really yummy food! Had a DD iced coffee with 1 scoop protein powder before, and then I had some steak and cheesy potatoes and a piece of marble cake! Eating window still closed at 8! No guilt was felt. 

Sunday: Usually my "rest days" from training, but I decided to go train. Because I wanted to! Not had to. Had a great fasted heavy back day and short HIIT cardio. Broke my fast at noon and stuck to my plan as close as possible. The family had a pool and grill day so I had a hamburger. Not worth the fat and calories that I had to work around and adjust :/ I had to lower my carbs because my fats were so high today. But when stuff like that happens, you just move on. You just pick back up and keep on going. No point trying to "erase" damage by lowering calories or adding in extra cardio to beat yourself up. Especially if you're not in prep or anything. Life happens. Things come up. You're HUMAN when you slip up and fall off the plan. You haven't failed until you've given up. So don't give up! I feel like when I try to "undo" the damage, I cause more. 

#1

#2

#3

#4

Monday Conclusion: I went back and forth thinking if I should weigh myself. I don't want to get consumed with numbers again so I will not be weighing myself 3x a week after this. Not even once a week. I decided to just to finish out this experiment though- 132.6! Probably a lot of water weight, but not all. THE POINT is that I was able to gain control of myself again, I didn't feel obsessed over food or snack all day and felt satisfied! Sometimes even so full that I didn't know if I was going to get it all in before 8. I didn't feel weak in the gym-- I actually always felt more focused and kept adding weight and lifting heavier. My body and mind feels better. It's amazing what the body can do. I ate intuitively 2x and trained 6x. This week I was in about a 700-800 calorie surplus too than from those last 2-3 weeks of prep! 300ish calories from nutrition and 300-400 calories from not doing cardio twice a day. You cannot outsmart your body! Feed it. Take care of it. Love yourself. I will definitely be sticking to this intermittent fasting lifestyle. I loved it! I hope to get better and better at it and see some awesome results in the mirror- body composition, strength (mental and physical) over NUMBERS on the stupid scale. That's all that matters!! You could reach your goal weight, but that does not fix how you feel on the inside and abut yourself. A goal weight does not and will not change the inside… that all takes time. Self-love, confidence, knowing you're worth it, feeling happy and healthy is so much more than a goal weight. I don't even have a goal weight?? I've fluctuated between 120-135lbs and have looked many different ways so it really doesn't matter! 

Hope you found this all somewhat helpful?? :D I'm so glad I tried it! 

If you have any questions on this, interested in online coaching (training and macro nutrition pal), or anything feel free to contact me: 

suarezcoral@hotmail.com

IG: coral.suarez

xoxo

Peak Week!

Hey all! Sorry for the lack up updates. I have been busy and just trying to relax, concentrate and not think too much and stress myself out! I'm really good at stressing the small stuff, beating myself up or comparing myself to other girls and have just really needed to take a step back and re-focus. I keep reminding myself it's MY journey, MY progress, MY body. I don't care of others' opinions on MY lifestyle. 

As you can tell, I didn't do the Boston show that was on the 24th of May… I was not mentally, physically, nor financially ready for that one, so I chose a show closer to home (~1 hour away) and 3 weeks later… which is now a few days away!! June 14th. It is 2 shows combined into one; The CT State Championships and the CT Grand Prix! I have entered in the CT Grand Prix bikini open A and will possibly enter in the bikini novice devision as well. When I was signing up I was freaking out like omggggg this is really happening! I kind of got cold feet into entering then so I will probably do it at check-ins.

The week leading up to the show, bodybuilders go through "peak week"- it is different for divisions and I'm sure as with anything, all coaches have their own way of doing it. It's definitely more for the 'bodybuilder' and 'figure' (more muscular/leaner) categories, but as bikini I will still be doing a moderate peak week. Basically, it's the last week to get your muscles to "peak" by show! It has a lot to do with the manipulation of carbs/water/sodium etc. I'll have to write more about it after I do it. But from many articles I've researched, it's not that complicated and most people over-do these steps and can ruin their final package like coming in too stringy or dry? Again, those are mainly for figure, mens' physique and bodybuilding. Bikini kind of has it a little easier. 

Well here I am, this was taken Saturday morning (1 week out) - no food or water, and I actually looked better than I thought I did in my head. Surprise. Sometimes it gets to be a giant mind-fuck when you're constantly looking at yourself in the mirror, different lightings, foods you eat that bloat you, etc. I am weighing in at 128lbs and I am 5'2". Yes, I could use to lose more body fat pounds, but it is what it is. My body has been fighting me so much these past few weeks and my metabolism is tired and damaged. I'm so excited to work on it and building my physique after this show! 

This week I haven't made any drastic changes to my diet- the only thing is I'm on lower carbs until later this week where I will start adding them back to fill my muscles for the show. I am sticking with foods that I know won't cause bloating such as chicken/tilapia, oatmeal, green beans, egg whites/ eggs, spinach. Fiber causes bloating too so I am watching my intake with that as well because I know my body is very sensitive. The last week or two is boring with food, but I would rather keep it safe than sorry. Coach told me to up my water by 50% as well for the next few days, so that is probably the hardest part for me haha I hate drinking sooooooo much water! and having to pee all the freakin time! 

As far as training, no significant changes in that either. Although this week I will be working at 80% of what I usually do because I don't want to tear down my muscles or be sore on show day. More reps ~20 and less weight. I have been doing fasted cardio for the past 2-3 weeks in the AM and will continue to do so for the next few days as I feel it really helps ME. 

I have two bikinis from Ravish Sands- one I got for free from winning a raffle and one I wanted as a back-up! Not sure which one to wear yet- but it'll depend on the fit the day of the show. The second one I bought is a color I never imagined buying… ever! Out of my box and I am so in love with it, but it's on the tight side so I'll have to see if I'll be able to wear it this show. 

I have been practicing my walk/routine/posing at home in the mirror as well as a few times at the gym! I feel slightly confident in it, but everyday I watch some sort of youtube competition videos and I make slight changes or learn a little something new. I really haven't spent much time in the heels and every blog I read with tips say to spend hours in them and get used to them lol but oh well- I'm more of a winging it type of girl. 

Checklist-

x) Bikini bite

x) bikinis 

x) heels

x) jewelry

x) Pro Tan / glaze

x) registration

x) hair/makeup

x) black hoodie & sweats 

x) flipflops

x) base tan

Need list-

-npc card

-pack food

-mani/pedi

-tan

-

I can't really think of anything else right now. I'm so nervous! The days are flying by and Saturday will be here before I know it. I have to make every single day count. I have to do something that will make me closer to my goals than further. Staying focused!! 

follow me on IG for more updates @coral.suarez

xoxo

My Story & My Eating Disorders

I have honestly never opened up about this topic- only a handful of people know. I was going to keep it that way… but lately, it seems easier to open up about it because I see other girls opening up, and I can relate to so many of their posts. I don't feel as alone or crazy. And maybe… just maybe… I can help someone else… I think it would also help me to get it all out there.

People don't understand my 'obsession' with fitness & food… I come from years of having eating disorders… Only people who have/had would understand the obsession that comes with the need to control everything. 

That is why I go over and over about balance, moderation, feeding yourself the proper amounts of foods, having a good relationship with food and not depriving yourself! I want to slap girls who purposely under eat because it's doing damage to your health! Always, always put your health first. 

I can remember being proud of only eating an apple and yogurt one day when I was a freshman in high school. I wanted nothing more than to be skin and bones. I would take photos of my hip bones and ribs, and during those days 'Xanga' was the popular site… and I would browse 'ana & mia' (anorexia & bulimia) sites, stick skinny girls, compare myself and wish I was as skinny as them. I wanted that thigh gap, collar bones popping, and hip bones sticking out. I played volleyball and was fairly active all through high school, hit up the gym after school just to do cardio and never lifted a weight. I would run and do the elliptical when my legs were tired until I burned over 1000 calories. 

My sophomore year, I got hungry. I wanted to eat again. I was tired of always declining food, that feeling of hunger and my stomach growling. I was sick one day in February, and I made myself throw up. I thought 'wow… that was easy.' It clicked… that I could eat, throw it up, and not gain a lb. Some days I would weigh myself 10+ times. I would throw up 20+ times. I would take laxatives in hopes that I would lose more weight by going to the bathroom. I would hide food in my closet, I would go grocery shopping just to pick out foods to binge & purge on, I would time my binges around when my parents would be gone or after they went to bed. If they were there, I would run the shower. I knew which foods were easy to get up, I timed myself after I would eat out for my "window" to get it back out without gaining. I had all these "tricks" that, at the time, I was proud of… 

My junior year, my long-term boyfriend, at the time, told me I should see the school counselor about it. It was really wearing on me, so I agreed. I saw her for a few sessions, she made me write feelings in notebooks and such. They were written after my purging sessions and were hard to read. The kind of feelings I felt and wrote were absolutely horrible- filled with such self-hate. She had to tell my parents because I was harming myself. I won't get into what happened with my parents, but I was under watch for a while, the eating disorder definitely slowed down a bit, and I was annoyed and felt antsy all the time. My counselor said that binging & purging was my way of stress relief. I gained a lot of weight, and eventually they thought I was "over it" or I was faking it for attention? That one I still don't get… because no one knew. I eventually got them off my back- I guess I'm a good actress in making it seem like I was totally fine. EDs are not something you just "get over" in a few weeks… It's a cycle that taunts you and drives you crazy, even if you wanted to "get over" it, you can't. It takes time. Not only time, but a whole MINDSET change. 

My knuckles and back of my hand were always bruised with teeth marks.

This continued for 6+ years. 
Binge, purge, guilt, hate. Binge, purge, guilt hate. 

So many times I would cry, just wanting to stop but I seriously couldn't. It was my obsession and my go-to. People joke about bulimia and eating disorders all the time, but it's a touchy subject for me. Be careful who you joke around with because you never know who is going through it. You would be surprised how many girls have/had this deep dark secret. If you've never been through it, you just really don't understand the need. Like being addicted to a drug, cigarettes, alcohol.

I think it slowed down, finally, after I started working at Gunners (our base gym) in 2010 and started to switch my obsession to fitness when I was 19. 

I used to think girls with muscles were gross before. 
It's crazy how much my mindset has changed in the last 4~5 years.

I learned a lot from doing a bunch of research on my own, the Marines that I made friends with at the gym, the gym trainers, and fitness magazines after magazines. 

I was introduced to lifting weights in 2010. Before then, I was still doing too much cardio and eating too much or not enough. I was also drinking a lot. Smoking cigarettes constantly and hanging with the wrong crowd. 

There was a point where I was unhealthily obsessed with the gym too. That still comes and goes… especially now with prepping for a competition.

The healthiest I've been, mentally and physically was in 2011~2012 right after marrying Alex. I was lifting when I wanted to, heavy (squatting 225) and enjoying foods in moderation. Intuitively eating. I wasn't counting calories, I didn't weigh my foods, I wasn't following a specific workout routine or cardio routine. I was happy and healthy. I was lean, and at a normal weight… which I didn't constantly check. 

Fast forward to now, one of the main reasons I started to despise my first coach was that he was bringing back all these old habits I had worked so hard to change. Especially my mentality. Strict meal plan, "clean and dirty foods", weighing in 3x a week, progress photos 3x a week, no substations to the 10 or less foods I got to eat, hours of cardio. I almost had a break-down towards the end. 

Before hiring him, I WAS counting macros, following flexible dieting on about 1700+ calories, because I felt that flexible dieting works best for ME, with not having the need to binge out of control and feel guilty. It was helping me develop a good relationship with food again while losing the baby weight. 

My switch to my now coach was harder than I imagined. Now that I was back to flexible dieting, I wanted to eat alllllll the foods. I have binged a few times uncontrollably. My body couldn't stop- like I NEEDED to have 6 protein bars, half a jar of peanut butter, ice cream, etc… It's just not a pretty picture. The guilt that comes with that is so not even worth it. Plus the progress that I lost with the excess calories. 

It's hard to not obsess even now. The want to weigh myself, weigh every ounce of food perfectly, the need to do cardio and not miss one gym day. I have OCD with everything non-fitness related too. I drive myself crazy sometimes. 

For a few weeks now I've been back on track with not binging, trying to relax more and just finish this out. Some may think of it as just not having self-control, being weak, and perhaps you're right. But to me, my relationship with food comes from a much deeper place.

I've missed a few shows that I wanted to originally do. At this point I finally feel HAPPY with where my body is at. Of course I would love to get leaner at my own pace, and I hate the stress all this competition prep has put on me. I really do hate that I've come to the point of "wanting to get the show over with" because I've seriously looked forward to competing for years.  

So, here I am, 3 weeks and 2 days out. I know I will not be the leanest on that stage, I know I will not have the best abs, I know I won't have the greatest hamstrings and biggest boobs (HA!). But my body is dead tired, my mindset is worn out. I have been on 1100-1200 calories, plus hours of cardio and heavy lifting for months. People ask why don't I choose a later show date? BECAUSE I have paid enough for coaches that don't do refunds, I have sacrificed a lot already, I have worked my ass off to be where I am right now, and will follow through, do the damn show, use it as a learning experience and beat ME next year. It's not that I don't have a passion to compete, it's that I think I jumped into it too soon, with the wrong coach, and it's just been a downhill battle since. 

After this show, I will be BUILDING my health, mentality, metabolism and body back up. I want to be that girl that enjoys lifting again and not feel anxiety to miss a workout. I want to enjoy dinners with my family. I want to eat foods without feeling like I want to go on a full-out binge. Or want to kill myself with guilt. I want moderation, balance, and that healthy mindset back that I worked so hard for. 

I'm really not sure who all read through this. I know it was long. But if you are going through this, something similar, know that there are so many girls, and guys, that do too. You're not alone. There are ways to make it better. You CAN beat it. I always have to remind myself daily… sometimes hourly haha - ONE DAY AT A TIME. One meal at a time. One workout at a time. Relax. Don't punish yourself or reward yourself with food. It's hard to break that emotional tie with food, but you have to. If you fall off whatever plan you're on, just get back up and keep going… It can take years and years but it's worth it to change your mindset. Stop saying mean things to yourself. There are some days I pinch all my fat and say some horrible things… but I'm trying to stop it and compliment myself. I'm seriously working on being happier, more confident and LOVE myself. 

Here are a few photos of me through my ups & downs:

SOPHOMORE year (bulimia started)

JUNIOR year (full on bulimia)

SENIOR year (after parents found out, being watched, put on weight)

18 (year after graduation, smoking, drinking, bad crowds, eating horribly, not working out as much)

19- I was a huge party girl from 18-20 but this year is when I thought 'enough is enough' and needed to lose weight again

20- had been working out, learning "clean eating", and was very happy again!

21- lifting heavy, intuitively eating, sometimes counting macros, going out, having fun, and being happy! this is the year I got married too.

I'm now 23. Gaining 60lbs during my pregnancy was hard. I was self-conscious this whole year trying to lose it. Now that I'm small, I'm still self-conciosus when people comment on how tiny or small or too skinny I am. I wish people didn't talk about weight. I do what makes me happy, I want to look the way I do because that's where I'm comfortable. 

Anyways, you get my drift. I really do believe fitness, in a sense, saved my life. It saved me from the dark hole that I was drowning in. I don't feel fully "over" my eating disorder, but I feel more in control. I love what I have learned, I know what works for my body, I know my emotional triggers to make me want to binge, and I know that I will make this competition doing the best that I can. I'm constantly learning and I ENJOY educating myself about fitness, nutrition and health- which is why I got my certifications as well. I've been through it all. This is all why I also enjoy helping other girls. See what lifting, the proper amount of cardio, enjoying foods, BALANCE and MODERATION can do? It made me a happy happy woman!! I'll see her again soon. 

Hope this wasn't too boring… until next time :)

If you need help, have questions, you can always email me at suarezcoral@hotmail.com

Be sure to follow me on IG :) @loveliftdrift 

xoxo