The Decision To NOT Compete.

Prep to a fitness competition takes many many weeks and it's not just the hours in the gym, it's all the hours outside of it as well. It's non-stop! I knew that, and I'm usually in the gym so long that I'm used to that commitment.  I LOVE it. It's my happy place. However, I did not know I would take this new job about 4 weeks ago... and I have to admit, since then, I have been SOOO overwhelmed trying to get in my full workouts 6x a week in while maintaining the other aspects of my life. I'm also taking night classes to get my degree and have a toddler and husband to spend time with. I've still been going my 6x a week, but I don't have the time that I used to to dedicate 2-2.5 hours in the gym and to be even more honest, my "prep mentality" hasn't been as high as I need it to be to get to the stage. Sounds like a bunch of excuses to you? I don't care. They are my reasons for why I have been so on and off lately. 

For some reason I didn't want to "give up" on prep because I thought I would feel guilty or weak if I did... I know how excited I was to start and I kept visioning myself on stage. So I kept pushing through... but it's driving me crazy that I can't do what my coach needs me to do and I felt too much pressure that I'm constantly failing him and myself. And on the flip side if I was doing absolutely everything right and dedicating my free time to the gym, I felt like I was missing way too much time from home with the little bit that I already have. I needed to be honest with myself, face facts, and am forgiving myself for this not being the right time for me. 

When I was single, no kids, and just worked full-time, I had so much time to go to the gym two-a-days, and I definitely had that "no excuses!" mentality. I absolutely know working mothers with families can compete, place well, and even become pros! However, you have to be ALL IN. Last year after giving birth I wasn't working or going to school and it was so much easier to dedicate myself to prep and be all in. I was actually even too all in. I absolutely wish I had the luxury of time but right now I know I have other responsibilities to put ahead for now.

Besides all that, I'm also not ready in so many personal internal ways. I thought I was, but I'm not. I have found myself struggling with food once again, binges, the urges to purge, emotional eating, and the inability to disconnect from food & feelings. The obsession came back. I keep thinking that a certain size, body shape or number on the scale will make me feel differently about myself. Alex has bluntly (with love) reminded me that I'm still never truly happy with myself even when I'm tiny. It really opened my eyes that he sees that in me. I've truly tried faking confidence and self love, and sometimes I really do absolutely feel great about myself, but most of the time I don't. I just need to find my happy... my balance... my true true self-love... 

I'm still going to lift and train my 5-6x a week! I'm still going to grow and build and continue with my progress. I just no longer have a timeline/deadline/show date! If I can only go to the gym for 30 mins one day then I can do what I can and not feel guilty or concerned about not doing my full workouts.

These decisions have absolutely NOTHING to do with my coach. He's wonderful and so supportive! I would recommend him to anyone. It's just my own damn fault and my decisions for what's best. I'd definitely return back to Team Heugly if and whenever I feel it's time :)

Anyways, thanks for those who have been following to see me do another show and as always I appreciate all the support! I'm still going to do progress photos and blogs and such! It's not like I'm quitting working out :p just changing up my goals! You don't have to compete to look good! I feel I have a better grasp now than after my show and I can't see myself throwing all this progress away and rebounding right now. 

Which btw... I do have brand new goals ;) A little bit of the reason why I've chosen to not to bikini as well. I still love the IFBB Bikini (the pros) womens' physiques... But, I've always loved a bit of the more muscular and fuller look... Like Erin Stern, Ashley Horner, and cross fit girls... I'll show ya.

I just LOVE the fuller, strong look. 

These will be my new goals to achieve and my own journey. I will self-coach. I know how to train, I know how to macro and most importantly, I know how to Google ;)

I'll actually be doing different trainers and I'll share progress that I get with those and recommendations and what not. I'm starting Erin Stern's Elite Body Trainer this week and I'm super excited. She's a mix of bodybuilding training and athlete training! Time to shock my body. 

That's it for now. Eeeeek it's scary being on my own again, which is why I love having coaches, but I've been researching quite some time on programming and such so I'm excited. IT'S ALMOST SUMMERRRRR :) 

xoxo

Follow on IG for more daily posts: @coral.suarez

Progress & Favorites #1

I think I'm going to do these sorts of updates every few weeks! With mommy/wifey duties, new job, school, training and eating all the time it's hard for me to keep up with blogging. But, I do love it, especially to be able to look back on to read current feelings and help inspire others in any sort of way that I can. 

I've reached over 10,000 views from allllll over the world! America, Serbia, Germany, Japan, Canada, Australia, Malaysia, etc. It's pretty amazing and THANK YOU for taking time and reading my blogs! xoxoxoxoxo

Prep Update: 

I am about... 9 weeks out now? To be honest, this prep has been the complete opposite of my last. I'm not stressing myself out over every little thing, I told my coach I want to go slow and steady so I don't crash and burn out later, or have a horrible rebound again. I will not step on stage until I'm happy with my complete package- even if that means choosing a later show. However, I am motivated as HELL to make the March 28th one! I'm LOVING training. I may be tired, usually just really sore, and hungry if I think about it too much, but I'm not miserable by any means. I'm enjoying myself and this journey. I'm excited to keep pushing and peeling the layers ;) My coach asked me what my energy level was, 1-10 (10 being highest) and I said 9! Yeah, sometimes I have to really push myself, especially that damn cardio lol, but I can do it. It's all in my head. Mind > matter baby.

Training: 6x a week (heavy weights, no plyos). Cardio: 6x a week. HIIT & steady state. Nutrition: Macronutrient based diet consisting of high protein, moderate carbs, and low fat. I use flexible dieting and hit my protein/carbs/fat/fiber daily as well as micronutrients. 1 reefed day a week consisting of almost double my weekly carbs. I usually have it on saturday nights after leg day!

So, here are my progress photos that I've been sending to my coach. I'm well aware how much weight I put on since my last show and I don't need to feel ashamed or guilt myself further. It happened, I slipped up and ate a lot of delicious foods in large moderations (haha). I still worked out, hard, but you know the saying... you can't outwork a bad diet. So true man. I learned, and I'm moving on and doing the best that I can now. 

slow and steady! trying to maintain as much muscle while leaning out!
*starting weight: 140lbs / <5'2" / bf%: unknown
*current: weight unknown, bf% unknown, still a shorty

As embarrassing as it is for me, I am human... I like to be real with everyone who is actually interested in following my journey. It's not all about the highlight reels for me.. I struggle, I fall, and I get the fuck back up. I have a body type that puts on weight very fast when I'm not careful. I really hope to never go through that rebound feeling again. I know I'm capable of losing it and bringing an even better stage package this year. 

Thank you to everyone who supports me!

Current Favorites:

1. Muscle Pharm Combat Crunch Protein Bars

*Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough & Chocolate Peanut Butter Cup
They also just came out with a cinnamon twist, but I haven't tried it yet. I'm definitely more of a chocolate and peanut butter lover mmmm. These are SO good- The macros/calories, the size, the texture and taste! Anyone that knows me knows I love me some Quest Bars, but TRY these. They are worth it!! They kill my sweet tooth and chocolate cravings and are great for a mid-day pick me up snack or meal on the go. I buy mine through Amazon.
(Macros: 210 calories, 7g fat, 28g carb, 20g protein, 12g fiber)

2. Beef Fajita Flame Broiled, Seasoned & Spiced

I always choose chicken to eat as my protein, egg whites second,  protein powder, then fish last. I love steak, but it's usually more pricey and higher in fat. This one I found tastes so great, price was reasonable, and macros are fantastic. I love cooking stir fry with it or making healthy tacos. I buy mine at Sam's Club.

(Macros: 3oz (85g) = 100 calories, 3g fat, 3g carbs, 16g protein)

3. Cary's Sugar-Free Syrup

So I used to use this often, until I heard of Walden Farms (0 cal/fat/carbs) pancake syrup and started using that. But after a while... it just gets old... and expensive for how quickly I'm able to go through it since it's 0 macros everything. So I decided to go back to this because I don't have to order it online, and the macros are pretty damn good for how much you can use. 1/4c is 60ml = 60g and if you weigh while you pour, you will realize you don't even need that much. I only use half of that, so 30g. It tastes way better and for how much I like to make protein pancakes, way more affordable... and convenient. And less chemical tasting.

(Macros: 1/4 cup (60g) = 30 calories, 0 fat, 14 carbs, 0 protein). 

4. Scivation Xtend Intraworkout

I started using this during my last prep, almost a year ago, and have fallen in love with it and I don't think I have gone a day without it! I use 1 scoop and sip on it during my workouts. I honestly feel like I sweat much more when I drink it. But besides that, here are some facts on these BCAAs. 

• Build Muscle • Burn Fat • Recover Faster
• Enhances Muscle Building and Strength
• 7g BCAAs - 2:1:1 Proven Ratio
• Increases Fat Burning
• Helps Speed Recovery
• ZERO Sugar or Carbs

There are a lot of BCAAs out there (branch chained amino acids) but this one is just my favorite. I highly recommend watermelon and strawberry kiwi! If I crave something sweet later in the day, I've also made slushies with it in the summertime :)

5. Liquid Stevia Drops

These are 0 calorie sweeteners, and all natural! I LOVE them. They are a bit pricey for a small bottle, but seriously a few drops goes a long ways! I use them in my coffee, plain fat free greek yogurt mixes, protein pancake mix, etc. Anything you want to sweeten! Plus, they have a whole bunch of different flavors! Tryyyy them. You need this in your life, especially if you like stuff sweet like me :p

I buy mine from Amazon or Vitacost. I linked it so you can see the product details :)

I buy many things from Vitacost! Protein powder, vitamins, Quest Bars, peanut butters and sweeteners. Check them out!

Thats all for today! Have a fit week everyone. Don't give up!!

If there is anything you want me to write a post about or you have questions, feel free to contact me and ask anything!

Also follow me on IG for more day to day updates :)

@coral.suarez

xoxo

Rebound & Comeback!

Hey loves, I can't believe I haven't written in 6 months! 

Honestly, it's easier to write stuff out than to actually DO them. I had a really tough time after my last competition 6 months ago-- rebounded hard (15lbs) and trying to figure out what was best for me to do. As much as I educated myself on post-show rebound, reverse dieting and BALANCE, it's easier said than done. I continued to gain weight and fat through the months and felt insanely self-conscious. I felt like a bottomless pit that just could not stop eating large amounts of crap! Mainly sweets. aka fat, carbs and so much sugar :( As much as I told myself, "its ok, it's off season" or "you need to gain fat to put on muscle" the hard honest truth was that I didn't need to put on that much. A little is normal, it's necessary even to put on some fat after being in a deficit so long to regain sanity, energy and to live healthy. But, unfortunately, I put on too much. For those who follow me on  IG (@coralsuarez) probably noticed slight gain, but it's easy to hide in clothes, take selfies at a good angle, suck it in and or use good lighting. I was just too embarrassed and didn't feel like I could be much motivation to others to be posting blogs... So I stopped. 

I knew I needed to take several months off from being on "diet" aka calorie deficit. Instead of focusing and driving myself crazy to lose weight (although I still did a bit), I tried to focus more on putting on muscle and size, so the next time I dieted down, I would have some pretty muscles to reveal underneath. I've been trying to love myself more and stay positive instead of tearing myself apart constantly for not fitting this extremely fit shape, that society kind of pressures fit girls to look like. Because if you don't look shredded 365 days, you're not "fit" right? (sarcasm)

Anyways, I chose a different coach than my last two. I decided on Team Heugly and have started working with them almost 5 weeks ago! This saturday I will be 11 weeks out-- First competition of the season being March 28. Eeeeeek. 

I'm excited to have routine and structure by a wonderful coach, I'm excited to have great communication and support, I'm excited to be lifting heavy and doing HIIT cardio, and most importantly, I'm excited to have a macro based diet (carbs, fats, protein, fiber) instead of a meal plan! AAAAND I don't have to weigh myself! Such a relief. My first past coach had me take progress photos and weight 3x a week it was beyond stressful. 

In just a few weeks working with them, I've noticed such differences in coaching methods already. I honestly haven't even felt like I'm in prep. It's been a breeze so far :) 

On the flip side, I'm torn between wanting to compete, and be fit for life... I'm not sure how many I will do after this one. I kind of want to remove myself from the "on season" and "off season" mentality... Why can't I just look and feel good all year around? For years I have obsessed over my body... too skinny... too fat... calories... macros... never ending disordered eating cycles... blah blah. Eventually I want to FREE myself from it all and just do whatever the hell I want all year and maintain and progress towards my goals. I love the discipline to compete, but I'm really scared of the rebound that could possibly happen again. 

Progress pics.... the weekly ones I take to send to my coach.. ah, I want to show them, I'm just embarrassed :( I worked SO hard last year/this year for a year to compete and lose 60lbs of pregnancy weight to just gain in a few short weeks. I felt and looked awful. I take progress once a week now so I may or may not start sharing comparisons soon... Until then, here are some clothed/semi-clothed progress selfies... ;P to show where I am at lately.

Just want to end it with this: DON'T BE SO HARD ON YOURSELVES! I know it's easier said that done, but TRY to relax and enjoy the process. Loving your body through thin and thick. I've been through thin (110lbs) and pregnant (180lbs) to fit (120lbs) to fat (150lbs) to average (130lbs) and even looking my best, I was never happy and satisfied with myself because I paid too much attention to the scale. THE SCALE DOESN'T MEAN SHITTTTT. Once I dumped the scale and went off of how clothes fit, body composition, and how I felt inside, my mindset really changed. Sure, "fit" looks good if you're cut up and shredded all the time, but those high-profile fit people are not always healthy. You need to find that balance where you can live your life, eat some damn ice cream without it turning into eating the entire container, workout without it feeling like punishment and go out with friends and family without obsessing over calories. There is a time and a place for it all... if you are prepping for a show, of course things must get a little strict, but it shouldn't change your life completely. If you're not prepping... dude, LIVE. Eat! Train hard. HAVE FUN. If you're hating everything... you shouldn't be doing it!

xoxo

IG @coral.suarez