Saturday, I hit the 9 weeks out mark. It is also the day I finally cut my losses with my coach after 20 weeks. This past week I got sick, my body was continuing to bruise more than normal, literally black and blue all over, I was exhausted, moody, and was on the verge of a break-down. My "bad vibes" were not only seriously affecting me, but I was bringing it around Alex and Sylas. Also, I wasn't seeing much progress and felt discouraged, lost, and basically a big fat failure. I kept thinking, "why can't I do this?? It's been my dream for years, I know I have the heart, drive and motivation... why??."
I knew comp prep would be hard, but it had been REALLY rough already, for weeks now. I had seen red flags along these 20 weeks with him, and there are very few that know what an actual hell of a rollercoster it has been. I kept telling myself to suck it up, this is how it's supposed to be, I'm supposed to feel this way, stop being so sensitive. After reading many posts- on IG, from Biolayne, & a few other blogs and videos- about "guru coaches," and talking to my two competitor friends, they helped me realize that I was down a very dangerous road and it was, in fact, NOT normal and healthy, especially this far out from comp. I would see other competitors loving the prep process, completely glowing. And here I was, trying to force this happiness to make it seem like everything was fine.
Red Flags:
1. No communication. I had talked to him on the phone maybe 1-3x in the past 20 weeks, saw him in person twice. I sent in my progress photos and weighed in 2x a week and never really heard anything back. He would text once and a while, but I never felt that he truly cared and supported me. We had a few more miscommunications actually, and I always felt like I was in the wrong.
2. Brought back old bad habits. It made me consumed with the scale… I would get so stressed out; "did I lose a pound?? Omg, I'm the same weight!" I would try and pee, hop back on, wait a while, not eat, pee, hop back on. If nothing changed, I felt disappointed in myself, even when giving it my all. Not healthy. I've been down these dark paths before, which is what got me into fitness in the first place- the last thing I wanted was to be going back to those habits and creating unhealthy obsessive patterns again. I want to practice what I preach; I tell people the scale doesn't matter- body fat percentage, how you look/feel/perform is more important than the damn scale! He would tell me it doesn't matter what I weigh- yet I had to weigh myself twice a week.
3. Too busy. I remember one day I texted a question, and didn't hear anything back all day, so I texted a question mark again. He later replied- stating that he works all day and is too busy to reply right away. Ok, understandable. He then again later said "I have a lot of clients. I don't have time to entertain every little question everyone has." Well, thanks! As a first time competitor, I have a bunch of questions, big and small, that I feel a COACH, someone who I'M paying big bucks, to explain, if I want. I may know a lot about training/cardio/nutrition, but the reason I hired a coach for this is because I've never competed. I don't know how to get stage ready.
4. Too low macros & a lot of cardio. I have been on the regular "bro diet" the past 20 weeks with NO cheat days & NO flexibility (except 4 times, which was all last year). What to eat, when to eat, how much to eat. Although some would appreciate everything being laid out in such a way, to do that for the last 20 weeks and then another 9 is not a sustainable lifestyle, even for prep. He did not give me macros to follow, just a strict meal plan. So, I calculated my own macros recently and they were about 1000-1150 with carb-cycling. That is RIDICULOUSLY low. With how much time and effort I put in lifting and having me do 5+ hours of cardio a week… at 12-9 weeks out… No wonder my body started to break down. It sucked. I would see everyone else getting cheat meals for their sanity or getting to incorporate peanut butter and other foods for balance and moderation (flexible dieting). When you are cutting, you're supposed to gradually lower your intake or increase workout/cardio. I can't imagine where I would have been in the next month or two :/
5. He told me I should have dropped 10lbs the last 4 weeks. Wow. Then when I didn't, he proceeded to tell me that he thinks I have a thyroid problem because if I were following his plan 100%, I would be making progress. That is when I wanted to break down and cry. I know I don't have a thyroid problem, but I know that my body needs a better plan to function and be healthy. Also sucks when you give it your complete all and get questioned like I'm in the wrong for not following through.
These are basically the things that I do NOT want in a coach. I also know the kind of coach and trainer I would never want to be. Maybe he's a good coach to others? Maybe he has his favorites? Maybe he felt I had a long ways to go so was doing drastic measures to make me look good so he would look good? I was scared to cut ties because I've heard the sport can be pretty political- and he is known in the area and I thought that it would screw me later down the road… but you know what, my health and happiness is way more important than that. He probably will not be happy when he sees me at shows. I don't want to create enemies what-so-ever, so I hope things stays professional.
I just feel so RELIEVED to be done with him and move onto bigger and better things! I've already spoken to another coach, who I'm very very excited to work with! I want someone to want to help me and have my health and best interest in mind. I have not received my plans yet, so until then, I will be tracking my own macros so I do not rebound and throw away all my progress so far.
Anyways, more updates to come!!! Sorry if this was a huge confusing ramble. It feels great to get off my chest and RELAX!!! I feel FREE ;)
Find me on IG: loveliftdrift
xoxo
No comments:
Post a Comment